Praygrounds: Embracing Hospitality Towards Children

Introduction

If she was skeptical hearing that some churches create a dedicated space for children inside the sanctuary, Melissa Deelstra was in utter disbelief when she heard that the best place to put that space is in the front of the sanctuary.  As children’s ministry director at Zion Presbyterian Church (Charlottetown, PEI Canada), Melissa serves a downtown congregation with about 400 members and 230 people in worship on a Sunday morning.  Through her participation in a cohort, led by Dr. Mimi Larson, Melissa was learning more about sacred play and began to wonder if this idea of a “Prayground” might actually be a way to make abundantly clear that children are welcome in church. Could this crazy idea actually work?

What is a Prayground?

While each church is different, in general a Prayground is an intentional space within the front of the church sanctuary where, through age-appropriate means, young children are able to experience and engage in the faith community’s worship. One of the most well-known Praygrounds in the United States is located at Grace Lutheran Church in Apple Valley, MN.  Drawing on her own experiences as a mother, Pastor Andrea Roske-Metcalf was inspired to create a space within her sanctuary where young children–and their parents–would experience welcome just as they are. Since then, the concept of the Prayground has been replicated in churches both big and small throughout the country.

You can probably already imagine what kind of conversations surround the decision to go all-in on a dedicated children’s area in the sanctuary. Isn’t this going to be noisy?  Why on earth would we think it’s a good idea to put young children in the front of the congregation?  Aren’t they distracting?  Will we lose people over this?  Here at the Center for Faith and Children, we love to hear stories from congregations where they are figuring out solutions to real-life ministry problems.  What we discovered is that many churches who implement Praygrounds love them! They actually aren’t losing people but gaining them!  These churches embrace a radical display of hospitality towards children and speak to the ways that this space is changing their congregation. While we are listening to Zion Presbyterian’s story, there are multitudes of churches from different denominations, congregational sizes, and worship styles who are embracing this idea.  Let’s take a peek into these sanctuaries, learn from these pastors and ministry leaders, and imagine what radical hospitality to children might look like in our own contexts.

Making Space for Kids

Though she was skeptical about the idea, Melissa’s church was experiencing an increase in children and needed to find a solution on how they could be incorporated into the larger faith community.  She decided to try this Prayground idea at the service where she knew she could get away with just about anything – The Christmas Eve Family Service, 2022. Melissa placed three tables in the back of the sanctuary, set out some toys and coloring sheets, and prepared for the worst. Surprisingly, it went rather well. So well, in fact, that the church decided to keep the tables set up in the back of the sanctuary for Sunday services.

But as Melissa cautiously began to share her story with mentors and other colleagues, she kept hearing the same refrain: “That sounds great, but the kids need to be in the front.” Melissa then reservedly shared this feedback with Rev. Will, her pastor, explaining that children can’t really see what is going on at the front of the sanctuary if they’re sitting in the back. While having a dedicated space for children was a great start, the space needed to be moved to the front of the sanctuary to give kids a front row seat to the prayers, choir, candles (yes, candles), and other aspects of worship. By the time their conversation finished, Rev. Will was carrying the tables to the front of the sanctuary himself. Two weeks later, he was on his knees with power tools, pulling out the first pew to make more room for the children. Two years after that, forty-five children call Zion Presbyterian their church home where they are a part of the service for everything except the sermon.  They also help with just about everything in the worship of the church including greeting, blessing the congregation, scripture readings, collecting offerings, serving on the AV team, and participating in the children’s choir.

Melissa’s story is inspiring and is a best-case scenario for a children’s space in a sanctuary. Working with a pastor who values ministry with children (and spent ten years working at a summer camp) definitely has its perks.  Melissa knows that and attributes a lot of the space’s successful implementation to Rev. Will’s attitude and commitment to teaching the congregation what Jesus says about children. For Rev. Will, both the testimony of Scripture and the life and actions of Jesus are clear: children are to be welcomed and included among God’s people, and it’s not optional.

This (REALLY!) would never work at my church.

You might have a lot of thoughts at this point.  Perhaps you’re thinking, “Ok, but even if I like this idea…this will REALLY never happen at my church.” Maybe you have tried to include children in the life of the church, but it goes nowhere. If this is you, we just want to say that we see you and we know that the work you are doing for children can be hard sometimes. More importantly than that, we want to remind you that Jesus sees you, that he called you to this work, and that he will be faithful to reveal himself to you and to the kids in your church.

Secondly, we want to remind you that what happened at Zion Presbyterian isn’t prescriptive. Every church is different and the basic truth is that it’s not something that you can replicate at your church. That’s just not really the way the Holy Spirit works nor is it the way God’s people work. We share this story to inspire you. We want to encourage you to think about the ideas behind a Prayground – the creativity, hospitality, and space where children can experience the radical hospitality of Jesus.

I’m still not sure what I think about this idea.

That’s okay. This idea might not be for everyone.  But considering whether or not a Prayground is something you would implement in your church is a helpful exercise because it means you are taking time to think about the concept of offering hospitality to children. You are considering what it feels like to be a child in your church’s worship space, and you’re taking time to think about what is and is not happening with children during your church’s worship service.

If you do want to pursue this idea, you’re probably going to run into a lot of valid concerns.  It is important to address those concerns up front because they will help shape your purpose, goals and values behind the space. Here are some of the most common concerns that pastors and ministry leaders mentioned to us:

A Praygound will be too noisy and distracting.

This is a real and valid concern. Everyone needs to be able to participate in worship, and gathering children together into the same physical space does result in greater noise.  Having children in worship should come with the realization that you will hear children. But it is also important to know that with guidance, children also can and do self-regulate. Moderating materials in the space such as selecting quiet toys, inviting older children to help shepherd younger children, and giving time for children to get used to what happens in the sanctuary are some ways to mitigate the noise concern. It might take 4-6 months for everyone (both children and adults) to acclimate to the new arrangement. It’s also possible that children’s noise can be a gift if we are willing to receive it. As one children’s minister shared with us, the addition of the children’s space has made their worship services feel much more like a family meal than a college lecture. This fits their church’s goals and culture, and it’s helping them welcome more children from their neighborhood.

Children need to learn how to behave in worship and adapt to our environment.

A dedicated space for children in worship can highlight the disparity between different generations’ expectations and views of children and their place in society. The more generations included in your congregation, the more difficult this may be. In research conducted by the Center for Faith and Children, several pastors shared that they often needed to act as interpreters between the generations on multiple issues concerning a church’s life and worship together. They often had to navigate different expectations of families and parenting styles as well as expectations of children and their behavior.  It is important to be ready for these conversations.  These conversations can be wonderfully fruitful for the spiritual growth of everyone in a congregation, but they are difficult. It is important to remember that God’s desire to be with us and to receive our worship isn’t contingent on our behavior. But is the way we treat children on Sunday teaching them that it is? To suggest that children ought to be welcomed as children is not to suggest that there are no boundaries for the sanctuary. A dedicated children’s space within the sanctuary needs to have a clear purpose and boundaries. And we have discovered that it is important for pastors to frequently communicate the value of children to the congregation, to interact with the children in the space, and to cast vision for the people of God as a multigenerational family.

This is worship time, not play time.

A Prayground is an intentional space and it is vitally important that a church helps children understand what the space is for. However, it is also important that adults understand how children learn and how important play is in their learning. Educator Maria Montessori famously said, “Play is the work of the child,” and as one child shared, she enjoyed “playing with God” in her church’s dedicated children’s space.  For a child, that’s actually a pretty accurate description of worship. Could it be that the role of play in a child’s life is something that we adults could learn from, including in our worship? To be intentional with this space, some churches include materials that encourage play in a specific direction, such as toy communion elements, Bible story-themed play sets, or an art activity that goes along with the sermon for the day. Other churches decide to have adults or older children intentionally enter that space alongside children to provide guidance and help as needed. Finally, pastors can help draw children into the worship service by speaking directly to children, including examples that relate to children’s lives, or inviting children to draw a picture of something they hear in the sermon.

Okay, I will give it a try, but how do I do this?

If you are willing to embrace this new idea, one of the key attitudes every church highlighted was the importance of being flexible and embracing an experimental approach. Willingness to adjust, to change materials, to change expectations, and to go slowly are essential to the success of a dedicated space for children in the sanctuary. Pastors and ministry leaders testify that these types of spaces are worth the trial and error for the message they communicate, not just to children, but to the rest of the community as well. Repeatedly, pastors spoke of the fact that the Prayground teaches the congregation that everyone present is a part of God’s family and that all of God’s people are beloved.

Maybe you will discover something more.

When we asked Melissa and her pastor, Rev. Will, about the biggest change they have observed in their church since they added the Prayground, both their faces lit up. In unison, they both exclaimed, “Joy!”  Melissa went on to explain, “I expected the benefits for the kids. I never hoped for the benefits for the congregation.” By welcoming children to worship as children, the congregation of Zion Presbyterian had to make peace with an imperfect worship service but they also discovered a gift. “When things aren’t perfect in a worship service, it reminds us that we need Jesus.”