What Strategic Relationships Help a Child Encounter God in Worship?

This article is part three of a three-part series from our Executive Director, Dr. Mimi Larson, reflecting on what she has learned in her work about engaging children in worship. Read part one and part two here 

Introduction

Pastors, Parents, and Congregations have a great deal to do with how a child will experience church, faith, and even the picture they will form of who God is and what God is like. Churches can make the most of these strategic relationships to help nurture the faith of both adults and children and to contribute to the development of lasting faith in children.

Pastors: From Value to Visibility

From our research, pastors consistently express a strong value for children and a deep desire to nurture their faith, both personally and within the congregation. Yet, this value is often not reflected in the day-to-day ministry of the pastor. The demands of pastoral leadership often leave little room for direct involvement with children.

Pastors often receive no theological or practical training in children’s ministry during seminary, and as such, they often do not understand how children’s faith is formed. Because of this, pastors and other ministry leaders often mistake cognitive development for faith formation. As a result, developmental approaches to children’s spiritual formation are often undervalued, misunderstood, or misapplied in favor of entertainment or approaches that mirror educational development.

Lastly, the cultural norms in American Evangelicalism have prioritized entertainment and childcare, with pastors and ministry leaders unintentionally adopting the view that children’s ministry is successful as long as kids are entertained and quiet.  This can come at the expense of meaningful faith formation, seeing faith development as a task for older childhood or even for those in junior or high school.

However, some pastors and other ministry leaders are aware of this disconnect and are looking for support, ideas, and collaboration to help their ministry with kids go from manageable to meaningful. The good news is that there is a lot of work being done right now in the field of ministry with children that acknowledges how a child’s faith develops and provides opportunities for spiritual richness and depth. At CFC, we’re thrilled to come alongside pastors and churches that want to think creatively about how to engage children in deeper spiritual practices.

Parents: Nurturing Worship at Home and in Community

The question, “Who belongs in worship?” is central to understanding the role of parents. Many parents express that worship is “my time with God,” relying on children’s programs to care for their children’s physical and spiritual needs so that they can focus on God. The need and desire being expressed here is real, and scripture clearly teaches that children are a part of the people of God. Yet because of our cultural norms, parents and other adults often lack confidence or the tools to guide their children in worship. Simple cues and intentional modeling can help children engage meaningfully, but churches that want to do this well will have to invest time in training the adult how to come alongside children in a worship service. Parents, especially those attending worship alone with young children, fear judgment from others. One mother shared through tears, “This is all a great idea, except I am alone. I just can’t do this by myself. Who will help me?” Churches must support parents as spiritual coaches, offering encouragement, community, and practical tools to help children belong and participate in worship.

Congregations: The Collective Impact of Community

Children’s faith is shaped by community. As John Westerhoff wrote, “Faith is an action which includes thinking, feeling and willing and it is transmitted, sustained and expanded through our interactions with other faithing selves in a community of faith.”¹ A disapproving look or sharp comment can communicate that a child is unwelcome, which shapes their view of God and the church. A low view of children’s capacity limits their participation. But when adults expect more and invite more, children rise to the occasion. Helpful accommodations, however, can help children access parts of worship that might be developmentally difficult or inaccessible to them. Beneath all of this, we must be willing to ask the question, “Who is worship for?” If worship belongs to God, then we must ask, “Who does God want there?”  I would encourage us to look at Mark 10:14 for an answer to that question.

“People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.'”

The Child: From Imitation to Authentic Worship

Children are not merely spectators; they are image-bearers and spiritual agents. Imitation is a start, not the goal. Mirroring adult behavior is part of a child’s learning, but we should not stop there. However, researchers found that “Churches understood that children either ought to mimic adults in worship or to enter authentic worship with God-given agency.”² We must cultivate environments where children move from mimicry to authentic, Spirit-led worship. Children need repeated opportunities to try, fail, question, and participate in worship practices in their own ways. Children should be invited not only to join worship but also to help shape it—through planning, leading, responding, and reflecting. “The children already contributed to worship through their presence, but their impact on worship became greater when they were approached as agents… Practitioners are now inviting children into performance, design, planning, and evaluation.”³

Conclusion

Helping children grow in worship is not the sole responsibility of a children’s minister. It is a sacred task shared by the entire church. Children learn to worship through watching, experiencing, and participating. Their learning is shaped by intentional relationships with adults who model genuine worship and who create room for questions, wonder, and creativity. And children are not just learners—they are contributors. When recognized as full participants, they bring energy, honesty, and insights that renew the church’s collective worship. “Construction of a theology of worship with children is not the sole responsibility of the children’s minister; other ministers, leaders, and parents should share the burden.”⁴ Children’s participation in worship is in the interest of the whole congregation. As we consider which relationships best support a child’s encounter with God, we must also ask: What assumptions or structures must we release to make room for children to lead, contribute, and truly belong? When children are invited to meaningfully participate in, to plan, to contribute to, and to reflect on worship, we don’t just empower them—we invite the whole church to grow in its understanding of what it means to be the Body of Christ together.